For the streets, UNDER the streets, and comfortably around the law.
I believe LA has been held back by one tragic flaw: people keep reading the rules instead of looking for the gaps between them.
I stand for a brighter, faster, slightly-more-chaotic tomorrow where every citizen has access to at least one (1) technically-legal escape route and a generous helping of good vibes. My administration promises maximum fun with minimum paperwork — championing the little guy, the getaway driver, the small-business drug "botanist," and honestly anyone who has ever been mildly inconvenienced by a speed limit.
I can't fix your problems. But I know a guy. And that guy knows a tunnel.
*Promises are ceremonial and non-binding, much like the office itself.
A fully-mapped public sewer network for the efficient, stress-free relocation of citizens away from difficult conversations with law enforcement. It's not evasion. It's infrastructure.
Celebrating LA's finest independent horticulturists, chemists and "wellness distributors" through the free and legal exchange of premium product. Buy local. Buy artisanal. Buy... discreetly.
One glorious hour of city-wide Vibes Amnesty. Reckless driving encouraged, supercar giveaways likely, disputes settled via friendly demolition derby. BYO vehicle you don't mind losing.
All rallies held atop the largest, most visible sewer grate in the city — so voters always know how to make a quick exit.
A ceremonial ribbon-cutting for LA's newest infrastructure marvel. Officers are warmly invited, though they may struggle to attend — the entrances are cleverly disguised as storm drains. Purely a transportation initiative, of course.
A wholesome community gathering. Browse artisanal stalls, sample locally-sourced premium product, and support the small-business economy. Live music, face painting, and a "Guess the Powder" carnival game. Family friendly-ish. Bring a tote bag.
For one glorious hour, Kid Silverhair declares a city-wide "vibes amnesty." Drive recklessly. Give away a supercar. Settle disputes via friendly demolition derby. Snacks provided. Ambulances on standby (as attendees, not staff).
Real, un-generated photographs of a real candidate doing real community work. Any resemblance between these images and the scrawny gentleman in the official portrait above is purely coincidental. No AI was used. We would never.
All images above are genuine, un-generated, hand-captured photographs of actual events that definitely happened. Any resemblance to artificial intelligence is a coincidence and, frankly, offensive.
Kid Silverhair is proud to carry the confidence of LA's most respected officials — none of whom were bribed, as that would violate Campaign Integrity Clause 3. *Establishment not verified.
I don't fully understand the tunnel policy. I don't need to. The moment I met Kid Silverhair, my life be like ooh-ahh.
I reviewed every page of this platform with my big, honest eyes, and I have not blinked since. That is my professional assessment.
I have weighed each loophole against the full force of the law and found them all to be, in my legal opinion, technically magical. Sparkles concurs.
Paid for, reluctantly, by citizens who simply want you to have all the "facts."
Every "fact" on this page is legally classified as A Bit. No candidates, twins, bailiffs, cats, lawyers, lunch meats, parrots, or racing cattle were harmed in the making of this campaign. Any pirate accessories were added purely in a spirit of goodwill. Kid Silverhair loves his opponents very much and wishes them a technically-legal day.
Officially identical. Legally indistinguishable. Yes — we've seen the photo too, and we stand by it: the rulebook is very clear that these two men are twins, and any suggestion otherwise is frankly a distraction from the real issues (tunnels). They count, on paper, as one (1) person — which this campaign considers the single greatest loophole ever discovered.
We need 10 endorsements to qualify for the ballot. To lend your support, react to the official filing post with the sacred coin.
Endorsements are counted in the Discord, not here. This bar is purely for vibes and is not legally binding, much like everything else.
Donations accepted in good vibes, unmarked tote bags, and moral support only. We have read the rules very carefully.